bah.

todays post is more for my benefit than the worlds..

so if you read it, thats fine. and if not, thats fine too.

today i am confused.

you know that one scene in the notebook where noah is yelling at allie,

"what do you want?!"

here it is:

well, right now i feel a whole lot like allie.

i just dont know what to do.

what do i want?

i want the school im supposed to attend to put a bumper sticker on my car so i can just see it and know.

i want the job im supposed to have to just put a nice check in my bank account.

i want the clothes i should wear tomorrow just put themselves together on my bed.

i want to not be tempted by junk food.

i want the man im supposed to marry to be in my bathroom brushing his teeth when i wake up...

so i can just know who it is! no decisions.

i want to know what exactly what to say to make things better.

i want to make everyone happy.

but God gave us agency.

and let me tell ya, i really am so grateful for that.

He knows i'll make good choices..

and some really not-so-good choices.

but i know that if i continue heeding the promptings of the spirit,

i'll be happy.

i'll be able to make others happy.

sometimes, though... it may not be a temporal happiness...

but rather an eternal happiness that we just can't see right now.

right? right.

i know what i need to do now.

thanks for letting me vent.

:)